Towers, Crystals, and Corpses (FF4 Part 3)

This episode takes us from Troya to the Magnetic Cave to Mithril to Agart and, finally, straight into a battle between dwarf tanks and flying airships full of monsters. Luckily the only people who die are the ones closest to us with the most to live for. Aw heck.

You better not bring any of that metal crap into MY magnet cave, bro. Edward knows a song dark elves hate. Please stop feasting on my blood, Zubats. If I had a quarter for every time I ran into a high tech tower in this episode, I would have two quarters — which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice in one episode. This episode’s swear jar, on the other hand, overflows.

At the beginning of this episode we describe the twins doing an act of heroic self-sacrifice in the last leg a la Minwu as a “Min-two” when “Twinwu” was right there and we’re so mad at ourselves for not seeing it.

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Contrabandnanas (Final Fantasy Legend II)

Final Fantasy Legend II is hard. We liked it though. Let’s take a trip across the multiverse to find our deadbeat dad. Then we’ll compete in a dragon race, solve banana crimes, and beat up any deities that look at us sideways.

WARNING: DO NOT CONSUME MAGI. DO NOT PUT IN MOUTH.

Receipts

Interview referenced: https://shmuplations.com/saga2/

Banana facts: https://legendsoflocalization.com/articles/ffl2-opium-bananas/

 

Elephants in Heaven (Final Fantasy Adventure)

Pack your bags – we’re off on a Final Fantasy Adventure! Got enough keys? No, you don’t have enough keys. Bring more keys. Go back and get more keys. See the majestic and incredibly brief ocean! Enjoy a relaxing night staying at a discount Hotel Transylvania type situation where surely nothing fishy ever happens. Fight a monster that’s just a face. It’s just a face. That’s pretty creepy, right? Just a face? Also, how do magic trees reproduce? What are the Medusa contagion rules? Which character should Keanu Reeves play in a movie adaptation? None of that matters! You know what matters? Keys! Keys matter! You can never have enough! Stock up. I’m telling you! For real. Get so many keys. More keys than you think you need. Way more.

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