No Offense to Gilberts (FF4 Part 1)

Water vapor attacks! A ring commits war crimes. Cecil follows orders until he doesn’t. A dancer has something special to show us. A bug bogarts treasure medicine. Disney Princess powers are tested. Excrescence is collected. A fish person crashes Edward’s night time sad song sesh. We are all spoony bards on this blessed day. Hi, Brian.

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Contrabandnanas (Final Fantasy Legend II)

Final Fantasy Legend II is hard. We liked it though. Let’s take a trip across the multiverse to find our deadbeat dad. Then we’ll compete in a dragon race, solve banana crimes, and beat up any deities that look at us sideways.

WARNING: DO NOT CONSUME MAGI. DO NOT PUT IN MOUTH.

Receipts

Interview referenced: https://shmuplations.com/saga2/

Banana facts: https://legendsoflocalization.com/articles/ffl2-opium-bananas/

 

Elephants in Heaven (Final Fantasy Adventure)

Pack your bags – we’re off on a Final Fantasy Adventure! Got enough keys? No, you don’t have enough keys. Bring more keys. Go back and get more keys. See the majestic and incredibly brief ocean! Enjoy a relaxing night staying at a discount Hotel Transylvania type situation where surely nothing fishy ever happens. Fight a monster that’s just a face. It’s just a face. That’s pretty creepy, right? Just a face? Also, how do magic trees reproduce? What are the Medusa contagion rules? Which character should Keanu Reeves play in a movie adaptation? None of that matters! You know what matters? Keys! Keys matter! You can never have enough! Stock up. I’m telling you! For real. Get so many keys. More keys than you think you need. Way more.

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A Solid Plug of Tigers (The Final Fantasy Legend)

Mike & Remy play through the entirety of The Final Fantasy Legend, a Gameboy game that beats us up, gives us swirlies, and pushes us inside our lockers. We’ll learn to RTFM, discover the importance of a proper diet for monsters, and commit the podcast’s very first act of deicide. Will it be our last? Stay tuned. But probably no.

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